Okay, so here it is.

My name is Chris.  I’m a thirty-four year old writer and teacher.  I love movies (classics and horror topping all lists), treat music like a religion, read constantly, love Americana, old-school diners, coffee shops without undue pretentions, small towns, and big cities like Chicago, which is where I live and work (actually, I live in Naperville, and I’ll be discussing that later).

More importantly than any of those things, I’m also married.  And if the above bit reads like a personal ad, it illustrates why I’m glad (among many, many other reasons) to be married: no one would respond to it.  It’s all true, of course.  And maybe it’s what I would have written if I was single and sick of doing the footwork to find someone I consider perfect for me.  Hell, maybe my wife would have responded to it if we’d met via the Chicago Reader, but we didn’t, though we have a hearty laugh at the “X-Matches” in that particular weekly (I’ll discuss this later, too).   But as my luck had it, I didn’t have to write such an ad.  And, as a no-longer single man, I’ve discovered something.  The whole thing about marriage sucking the life out of you, killing your inner child, ruining friendships, dancing on the heads and early graves of all things fun and carefree? 

It’s actually bullshit.   

Guys, if you’re about to change the channel right now, let me make this very clear:  I’m not some gushy, self-help dude who intends to prattle on about Mars and Venus.  (All due respect to those who enjoy such things – they’re just not for me.)  To quote Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple, “I gamble, I burn cigars holes in furniture, I drink like a fish.”  (Well, okay, I haven’t actually burned a cigar hole in furniture, but there’s simply no mathematical way that I won’t before I die, because I’m also clumsy as hell and I smoke a lot of cigars.)  I also cuss like a sailor, get furiously angry at traffic, play music too loud, and enjoy video games.  So if you want to live vicariously because my wife is incredibly tolerant, feel free. 

But ladies, in spite of my affection for what I can only call “guy stuff” (though that’s playing a shamefully sexist bent as you’ll see), don’t run off.  In my experience, women often get a raw deal when it comes to the airing of marital grievances, and things are often “your fault.”  And as a guy who has played this card before, I can tell you that in most cases, this is also bullshit.

In spite of the weird behaviors on the part of my fellow humans that I’ve decided to start documenting, I simply believe what I believe: that, based on my experience, men and women can peacefully and even happily co-exist.  And I’m happy to present my daily pratfalls for your consumption so that I can (hopefully) prove that fact.  I’m not a doctor, I’m not a psychiatrist, and I make no promises about my ability to satisfy or help you.  But this married guy has something to say on the subject, and at the very least, maybe you’ll be entertained. 


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